Sometimes I’m tired of pretending I’m happy. Sometimes I am tired of waking up. Sometimes I’m tired of taking responsibility for everything. Sometimes I am tired of being an adult. Sometimes I’m tired of work. Sometimes I am tired of school. Sometimes I’m tired of listening to people bitch. Sometimes I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of feeling useless. I’m tired of life. I’m tired of hating myself. I’m tired. So fucking tired. To the point of complete and utter exhaustion. To the point that my head is so bombarded that I can’t think straight. To the point where nothing will help but screaming at the top of my longs and throwing everything in every direction. And even that doesn’t help. To the point where I literally need to pull my hair out to keep myself from feeling the emotions that literally attack me at my core. The emotions that make you want to go to sleep and never wake up.
I like the person that I am when I am not in a relationship. That shit changes me and I don’t like it.
I have a full time job. I go to school. And I think I’m falling in love. But I can’t tell him this because than things would change. And it could be good but it could be bad and it scares me. I’ve never had someone treat me so equal. I’ve never had someone sweep me off my feet. Dance with me for no reason. Cuddle me at 3 am because I had a nightmare. I’ve never had someone take care of ME. Someone who would lay in bed with me until 5am telling me secrets, talking in OBNOXIOUS voices, and having the most serious and goofy conversation all in under a minute. Someone who tells me I am beautiful when I wake up, drool on my lip, my hair as wild as a lion, and My make up completely smeared. I’ve never felt as alive as I do in his presence and as alone as I do when he isn’t here.
Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I’m a jerk.
my main question is has anyone ever fantasized about having sex with me